Friday, January 06, 2012


Hello all. I've moved...well, started a new blog. You can find me at Hope you come join m, if any of you have been skulking around here in the hope that I might return.

Thursday, August 14, 2008

And yet more jackasses...


Occasionally you come across a jackass whose bray is so much more offensive than the normal cacophony that you have to acknowledge it. This, my dear friends, is one such jackass. This article appeared in the Jamaican Observer recently and, well, read for yourself. My response follows.

Slavery was good for the black man

Michael Dingwall
Saturday, August 09, 2008

As we celebrate emancipation and independence, we are being reminded of the horrors of slavery. According to our leaders, academics and others, slavery was the worst institution ever created. However, while it is popular for most to agree with this claim, I beg to disagree. Indeed, contrary to the belief that slavery was bad for us blacks, I believe that slavery was good for us.
Have we ever stopped to consider where we black people, especially those of us in the West, would be right now if it weren't for the Atlantic Slave Trade? What state do you think black Africa would be in today? Do you think that we would have been better off without slavery? I don't think so!

When the Europeans went to Africa to buy slaves, what did they find? They found a society and people vastly inferior to theirs. While the Europeans had emerged from their feudal practices, our ancestors in Africa, for the most part, had not developed for many centuries. We did not understand the concept of nation or government. Science and technology (and innovations in these areas) were non-existent in black Africa of the 15th and 16th centuries. Indeed, as a people, we had no sense of self-identity. In many respects, we were uncivilised.

Slavery was our most important contact with modernity. It is through this "most heinous system ever created" that we blacks were able to understand some of the principles of global trade. Our ancestors were introduced to the Trans-Atlantic Slave Trade between Europe, Africa and the West Indies. Black Africa's part in the trade was the importation of European technology and the export of slaves. The importation of European technology was important - even though the Africans did not appreciate this importance at first. The export of slaves was also very important, especially for us in the West.

As time went on, we blacks, both in Africa and especially in the Caribbean were, in many ways, being Europeanised and thus civilised. We adopted several aspects of their culture - their systems of government, their technologies, their sense of order and their languages. In doing this, we discarded those aspects of our culture that clearly placed us at a disadvantage - like our lack of sense of self, loyalty to the tribe and our non-participation in modern technology.

Although not a believer in any god myself, the Christianity that came with slavery and European control would be of immense value to us black people. Back in Africa, we were preoccupied with the worship of animals, trees, spirits of the dead - even stones. These primitive religions that we were practising ensured that our ancestors in Africa were backward. The relatively superior Christianity, with its greater sense of order and responsibility would help, in many ways, to pull the black man out of the Stone Age. This could only have happened with slavery.

Our relatively stable societies today, especially in the West, are testaments to the benefits of slavery. While it is true that black Africa has, for the most part, squandered the opportunities that slavery offered in the past, the positive influence of European civilisation cannot be denied. The black nation states of Africa and the Caribbean have given black people a sense of nation, a sense of identity, a sense of order and a sense of purpose - things we never had before.

While we continue to demonstrate our inferiority in the areas of science and technology, through centuries of being exposed to Europe on account of slavery, we blacks are now aware of the need for us to start excelling in these areas.

Those of us who continue to see the millions of blacks who died crossing the Atlantic and the displacement of what we had in Africa as proof that slavery was a bad institution don't understand the mechanics of human development and evolution. Similar processes had to be endured by countless peoples thoughout history. The development of the human race has always involved the need for change. Slavery was one such means, and like it or not, we blacks are the beneficiaries. It is not for us today to judge the means through which societies have changed in the past.

We blacks were changed, for the better, I might add, on account of slavery. We are a better race today because our ancestors went though slavery. The millions of lives lost were not lost in vain. The Europeans proclaimed the need for us to be civilised through slavery and though this may be hard to understand, they were right. Indeed, based on what is happening in black Africa today - slavery for us in the West was, in many respects, our salvation.

Michael Dingwall is a freelance writer.

Hottie's response

Dear Mr Dingwall – and how appropriate that surname of yours has turned out to be – it was with a certain amount of disbelief and incredulousness that I read your column in the Jamaican Observer dated 9th August 2008. As I read your column I hoped that it would be revealed as a satirical piece. As I came to its rather distasteful end I had to accept that this vain hope would have elevated your disastrous writing to a level you appear incapable of attaining.

I will push aside your bad grammar and terrible, lazy use of cliché and tackle the more serious error you have committed – inaccuracy. This article releases a malodour of desperation; of someone who slapped together the mandatory 800 words in order to meet a deadline so as to collect a much needed cheque. As a columnist myself I am insulted by your failure to take serious the importance of the job you sought to undertake. The overall falling standards of journalism worldwide should not operate as your personal measuring stick for the standard you should try to attain. Anyone who writes for the public must take seriously their responsibility – you are disseminating information that will not only last for a long time but will be accepted as fact by many who may not have access to other more reliable sources of information. It is your duty to ensure therefore that what you write IS fact.

If you had tried to sell this piece as being purely opinion then it would have to be accepted as that – your opinion is your own and no one has to agree with it. However, in writing this piece you attempted to convince your readers that what you were presenting was fact. And that, pardon the following use of literary jargon, is where the bullshit started to stink.

Now, I’m not going to attempt to correct you because while I do believe in miracles, I myself am not a miracle worker. Besides, quite a number of people have responded appropriately, pointing out the staggering amount of evidence that contradicts your writing. I will question what you consider as being “civilised” and how exactly would you measure a “superior culture”. Perhaps you need to take a trip to Spain where, on certain beaches you stand and marvel at the jellyfish floating around you in the water until you realise that they are actually used condoms. Or perhaps Eastern Europe where in some places indoor plumbing is something seen only on the Hollywood movies watched on communal TVs. Or how about “good old England”, your most recent coloniser, where the dream for the majority of the populace is to live on one of the Caribbean islands you disparage.

And it is important to note that as these countries seek a new level of development they are returning to the ideas and practices they destroyed when they first encountered the countries you so ignorantly described as uncivilised. Of course, there is very little acknowledgment of this fact. And why should there be when the ill read and shoddily educated like you are eager to grind the very organs they demand you dance to?

I must touch on “the relatively superior Christianity” that you’ve compared to the religions of Africa – oh, and by the way, you do know there was and still is more than one religion in Africa, right? The preoccupation with “the worship of animals, trees, spirits of the dead - even stones” that you described sounds alot like Catholicism to me – the endless animal sacrifices in the Old Testament which ended with the sacrifice of the Lamb of God; the Tree of Good and Evil, the Tree of Knowledge and the endless climbing of fig trees, parables about trees, olive trees, etc; spirits of the dead, well, we have Lazarus, Jesus, kings consulting with witches and evil spirits. The stones part? Just visit a Catholic church anywhere and count the stone statues you see and don’t forget the stoning of Stephen, the adulteress etc.

There is one thing I agree with you about though, in case you’re starting to despair. The development of the human race has always involved the need for change. I advise you to seek your own development and become the agent of your own change. May I suggest you start by purchasing a book of rudimentary world history? At the very least, an English dictionary.

Friday, June 20, 2008

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

My Pennywise List

So my mom and aunt coming up to visit next month for four weeks (heaven help us) and she asked me to send her a list of things I want from Pennywise. All my friends who've seen the list ketching kicks so I thought I'd post it up (because you know I lazy no ass). And yes I know it's not strictly Pennywise stuff but you know what, is only a matter of time eh.

1. Sacha lipgloss: Tornado and Luscious something or the other. Nothing bright!
2. Hair pins and clips: Short ones. Make sure the tips have plastic bulbs so as not to gorge out scalp.
3. One Sacha eyeliner, black. Only Sacha eh, nothing else. (Optional as I have eyeliner, just not Sacha).
4. One box CLEANSE SMART. If you can only bring one thing on list, make this it!
5. Worm medicine. Yes, I think I have worms. Leave me alone.
6. Dinky clips. The silver ones nah. Just a small pack will suffice.
7. Black woggies. The medium size ones. Make sure they’re black eh, not the half dead greyish, nylon ones Pennywise does be selling sometimes.
8. Pond’s Clarant B. Check expiry date since Pennywise hit me a 6 for a 9 last time and sell me some that expired in a couple of months.
9. Colgate Whitening Toothpaste. About 3, 4 tubes. I don’t know why these people up here don’t realise they have a tooth problem and start making some decent whitening toothpaste.
10. Three Coconut Bake. Big
11. The tuna pastelles you made the last time. YUMMY!
12. Aunty seasoning. Big bottle.
13. Pepper sauce from the old lady who was tracking R.
14. Kellogg’s Corn Pops:
Two, preferably three boxes I not joking. NOBODY sells it up here. Could remove from box to fit in suitcase.
15. Vicco tumeric face cream. One tube.
16. Rough tops cookies.
17. Big Silver Hoops. One pair. Ar could probably get those. Big eh. Skeggy but not Jamette size.
18. Ooooh! Ibuprofen 800. Ask pharmacist if I could take two at a time. The strongest thing up here is 400 and you need to buy that from the pharmacy direct. Steups.
19. Some soca CDs.
20. Roti skin.

If you could think of anything else I might need, help me out. Thanks.

Thursday, May 15, 2008

Down in Fraggle Rock

Remember a while back I told you guys about the Fraggle Rock movie? Well, it's been confirmed! It's most likely going to be a musical - which kicks ass - and the whole gang's gona be there. I should give you guys a link to the story or something but I'm too lazy so Google it nah. Dance your cares away - clap clap - worry's for another da a ay...

P.S. I used to work with a guy that was the stinking image of Junior Gorg. Incredible thing was, my boy though he was a player. Sad.

Thursday, April 17, 2008


Morning morning everybody. Well if allyuh waiting to hear any more antics from the weekend allyuh will be disappointed. Nuttin happen. Well, nothing that coulda make de papers. Trying to behave mehself and come to terms with the fact that I am SHITTING bored. Not no kinda joke bored yuh know. BORED.

Meh wuk boring, meh body missing the fix from hustling with school, work etc. Not that I mind that much eh because I think I went through enough zafaire, commess and bacchanal in the last 14 months or so to last me for a few years well. I tired. So lemme keep meh backside quiet yes. And try to reduce it lil bit. But dat is a next post.

So a lil joke this morning. It have this radio station ah does listen to, XFM. They does play plenty new releases, indie pop/rock, anything that eh really main stream I guess. So anyway, yuh girl on the train this morning listening to the music the DJ playing, feeling the vibes – he hit we with a lil Goldfrapp, Foo Fighters, Stones, things going nice. Bam!!!!!!!!! Ah setta gorilla start to grunt in meh ears through the headphones. Yuh BELIEVE the DJ play the theme song fuh Tailspin?!

Well here nah, is a good thing I in the people country long enough so ah have a lil training. Still, ah nearly PEE mehself. Tears! Meh chest HUTTING meh fus ah braksing from laughing out loud. OH GOOOUUUDDD!!!!!! Tailspin yuh know. When last yuh watch that? Ah should expect that assness yuh know, because a lil while ago they did hit we the theme song fuh Thundercats. Dat one had meh dancing. Who else had a crash on Panthera? And wanted to be Cheetara?

Wednesday, April 09, 2008

Corsets and Diamonds

So yuh girl had a ball this weekend. Sheesheetay meh backside on Friday and nearly lose meh toes in a pair of high heeled granny boots. Throw down a bottle a wine with a friend, we find we still stand up strong, making plenty sense and thing still.

“Dat wine eh strong at all man,” meh friend say.

“Nah man. Not at all,” I say.

“Should we buy another one?” she asked.

“Hold up, lemme go and pee.”

As yuh girl reach the toilet the place start to dance. Nothing major eh, just a lil gentle swaying, like when yuh hear a song in public yuh like and yuh want to dance but can’t. So I went back outside to tell meh fren well lewwe hold a lil strain because like the wine strong after all. Lo and behold, a next bottle rest down in front she and two glass full up. Needless to say, yuh girl cackle and fling rong sheself whole night. Wasn’t drunk, mind you. But was FLIPPIN’ TIPSY.

Saturday den. Went to a Tex Mex restaurant in Tralfalgar Square and the bitches dem had only one veggie option, which consisted of a HEAP a half dead looking (and tasting) mix rice and black bean fajitas that I still looking for. But I wait so long to get the damn food anyway that I full up fas. Then was off to a burlesque party. This is what, the second, third time I went to see woman stripping for the year so far? If I did like woman is one thing, but yuh would wonder why I eh find meh backside in a male strip club/party eh.

So yeah, the theme was Corsets and Diamonds but yuh girl couldn’t find a pants to go with the corset (if I did only know what other people was wearing I coulda damn well just go in a panty and bra). So I end up wearing a corsety like dress which was cool if not for the fact that I bought it when I was 10lbs lighter and it was ARREADY tight. Needless to say I ripped the thing by the end of the night. I feel it happen when I was crawling across the crouch to Like a Virgin. Or when I was dancing on the stage. Or it could be when I was pretending I was in a music video standing in front the big fan with meh hair blowing in the wind. Dat was in de second club called Ghetto. Doh ask.

Saw two woman fighting in the toilet because one ah dem say de next one was leading she on because she giving she current and she done have a woman. Den they come out and ask me what I think. Me sister?! Me eh think nuttin nah. Next thing yuh know people woman want to brace me because I say. Anyway, crawl home fore day morning – after nearly lambasting this annoying, mad, crass, ghetto Jamaican woman in the station. Was snowing on the way home and by the time I crawl to bed by 9 everything was white and I was dead. So, what allyuh get up to?